Pat Dryburgh

(Source: reddit.com)

2 weeks ago / 2 notes

calisydnee@aol.com: “hi! ”

Me: “hi ”

calisydnee@aol.com: “hey whats up? 23/F here. youu? ”

Me: “26/m. ”

calisydnee@aol.com: “hmm. have we chattted before? ”

Me: “I doubt it. I only recently discovered the English language. ”

calisydnee@aol.com: “oh ok. l wasn't sure. anywayz.... whats up? ”

Me: “I'm struggling with this strange environment I've found myself in. There aren't any solar depots for charging my hovercraft, and food here all tastes… different. Like, literally, why doesn't it all taste the same anymore? ”

calisydnee@aol.com: “im Iikee so boreeddd.... there iss nothinggggg too do ”

calisydnee@aol.com: “ohhh waiit! i have a greatt idea. have u eveer watched a sexyy girI Iike me striip Iive on a cam before? ”

Me: “Who hasn't? Ever since the New Enlightenment of 2436, males and females have been living on separate sides of the planet, only converging for a once-annual mating period that lasts a mere 8 days. The rest of the year is spent finding an appropriate mate using Skype v.341.3. ”

calisydnee@aol.com: “wellIIl.... u couId watcch me strrip if u wouId Iike? ”

Me: “I have to warn you, I'm already in a pretty committed relationship with Olivia Sequence 341c3-2. So, if we were to pursue the practice of e-courting, you will have to accept that my heart still belongs to her. ”

calisydnee@aol.com: “yeah? okk weIl my cam is setuup through this webbsite so that i can't bee recorded so u have too signupp there. ”

calisydnee@aol.com: “it onIyy takes a minnute and it is freee. ok? ”

Me: “You realize that the internet no longer exists, right? I'm chatting to you using the tele-organic matter connection I've established with you. ”

calisydnee@aol.com: “goo therre then up at thhe top of the paage cIlick on the goIldish JOIN FREE buttton. ”

calisydnee@aol.com: “k? ”

Me: “Oh fuck it. I could use a good wank.”

3 weeks ago / 6 notes